January 2

Apparently I’m not supposed to comment on resolutions (or lack thereof) because I just lost the entire paragraph & I don’t know why!  One second it was there, the next it was gone.  I’ll take it as a sign.  Maybe I’ll try a different direction.

I’m tired of making NY resolutions that are so high & lofty that I can never possibly reach them.  I doubt I’ll ever be the weight I was when I married, or that I’ll ever be the perfect housekeeper & organizer.  I won’t be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee, friend, volunteer, even though I desire to be…well, sort of.  I can’t be all that…certainly not at one time. And what I’ve come to realize is that I DON’T want to be perfect. Who decides what “perfect” is anyway? Aren’t you tired of putting on a show for everyone else around you?  Don’t you want to have friends who appreciate your weirdness, puffiness, bad hair, & lack of taste?  I do.  Because none of us is “all that,” and I’m tired of trying to put on a front. 

I DO want to surround myself with other people who realize their desperate need for grace and mercy.  I DO want to surround myself with people who care more about worshipping God from their heart & soul than what they look like to others when they do.  I DO want to make time to invest in deep friendships, the kinds that take the effort of actual one on one conversation face to face, versus 500 facebook “friends” or occasional texting. I DO want to purposefully invest in my marriage & relationships with my children, recognizing that it will require saying “no” to some good things. I DO want to worship God & put Him before all others…people & things & food.  I DO want to be still before Him, so I can hear His voice clearly. 

I’ve made some colossal mistakes in the past 2 years because I allowed myself to get so busy, I didn’t stop to listen.  I DO want to hear what He has to tell me.  There were decisions that made such “sense” from a human, earthly perspective, but took our family far from His good & perfect will.  So this year, instead of a list, I have but one resolve: to sit at His feet & hear His voice & do what He tells me, worshipping Him with my whole life.  Because really, won’t that take care of everything else?

“O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; my soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, in a dry & weary land where there is no water.  Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory.  Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You.  So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.  My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness (the richest foods), and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.  When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.  My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63: 1-8

Today, I’m thankful for my God, who supplies all my needs, and gives me rest for my heart & soul & body in the shadow of His wings, and who delights in me when I sing praises to Him.